When should you start planning an American wedding?

Many couples start 12–18 months ahead with the budget, a first guest list, the date and the venue. Vendors, the wedding party, the website and the registry often follow 9–12 months before – but plenty of couples plan a beautiful wedding in a few months.

When do save the dates and invitations go out?

Save the dates often go out 6–9 months ahead so guests can book travel; the invitations follow about 3–6 months before, with an RSVP deadline a few weeks before the wedding.

What is a rehearsal dinner?

A dinner the night before the wedding, right after the ceremony rehearsal. The wedding party, close family and often out-of-town guests come; toasts and stories are common.

What do the maid of honor and the best man do?

They support the couple before the wedding – often with the shower or the bachelor and bachelorette parties – and on the day; the best man often holds the rings, and both often give a toast.

What is a bridal or wedding shower?

A party before the wedding with food, games and gifts. More and more often everyone is invited, as a couples shower or “Jack and Jill.”

What is a wedding registry?

The couple’s gift list: guests pick something and see what’s already taken. Next to household items you’ll often find experiences and funds – for the honeymoon, a home or a project.

What do dress codes like black tie or cocktail mean?

Black tie means tuxedos and floor-length or very elegant dresses; black tie optional or formal allows a dark suit; cocktail means a suit with or without a tie and knee- to midi-length dresses; casual or garden means sundresses, linen pants and a shirt without a tie. One concrete hint on the invitation helps guests most.

How Americans celebrate weddings

A wedding in three acts

A couple laughs while opening a box of save-the-date cards on the steps of a brownstone in autumn. — Save the dates

Think of an American wedding as a play in three acts: planning (budget, guests, venue, invitations), the celebration (the day and often the whole weekend) and the story (photos, memories and thank-yous). The first act is the longest – many couples plan for a year or more – and the first thing guests see of it is often a save the date: a card, magnet or email with the date and place, sent long before the real invitation.

12–18 months beforeWhat often happens: Engagement, budget, first guest list, date and venue, maybe a wedding planner
9–12 monthsWhat often happens: Vendors, wedding party, wedding website, registry
6–9 monthsWhat often happens: Save the dates, hotel room blocks, transportation, outfits
3–6 monthsWhat often happens: Invitations, shower, ceremony program, RSVPs
1–3 monthsWhat often happens: Final RSVPs, seating chart, menu, last details
1–2 weeksWhat often happens: Final headcount, printed items, vendor briefing, rehearsal
The night beforeWhat often happens: Rehearsal and often the rehearsal dinner

When	What often happens
12–18 months before	Engagement, budget, first guest list, date and venue, maybe a wedding planner
9–12 months	Vendors, wedding party, wedding website, registry
6–9 months	Save the dates, hotel room blocks, transportation, outfits
3–6 months	Invitations, shower, ceremony program, RSVPs
1–3 months	Final RSVPs, seating chart, menu, last details
1–2 weeks	Final headcount, printed items, vendor briefing, rehearsal
The night before	Rehearsal and often the rehearsal dinner

The proposal and the ring

A man on one knee proposes to his partner on a pier at sunset, the Chicago skyline behind them. — The proposal

Many proposals are little productions: a favorite place, a hidden photographer, sometimes family waiting around the corner. In some families the person proposing asks the parents for their blessing first – today more a kind gesture than permission. The ring is usually worn on the left ring finger. Engagement photos often follow within a few weeks – they end up on the save the dates and the wedding website.

Before the wedding, couples get a marriage license from the county. Waiting periods, fees and how long the license stays valid differ by state, so many couples apply just a few weeks ahead.

Parties before the party

Save the date: the first heads-up, often 6–9 months ahead, so guests can book travel.

Families and friends raise their glasses to a couple at a backyard engagement party in Texas under string lights. — Engagement party

Engagement party: optional – often the first time both families and friend groups meet. It can be a backyard barbecue, a dinner at a restaurant or drinks at a bar, hosted by parents, friends or the couple themselves. Gifts are usually not expected – a toast and a lot of introductions are. Anyone invited here should also be invited to the wedding.

Bridal or wedding shower: food, games and gifts. More and more often everyone is invited, as a couples shower or “Jack and Jill.”

A bride-to-be and her friends in matching satin jackets raise cocktails on a Nashville rooftop at night. — Bachelorette party

Friends pretend to push the groom off a lake dock at sunset during a bachelor weekend. — Bachelor party

Bachelor and bachelorette parties: a night out or a whole weekend, usually planned by friends. Often the maid of honor and the best man take the lead. Popular trips go to Nashville, Las Vegas, New Orleans or Austin, or to a lake house or a cabin with a boat, a grill and a fishing rod. Some groups add matching jackets, a spa day, a cooking class or a brewery tour, and more and more couples throw one joint party for both friend groups. It usually takes place a few weeks to a couple of months before the wedding – not the night before. Guests usually pay their own way, so good hosts keep the budget friendly and ask early who can come.

An officiant shows two grooms and their wedding party where to stand during a rehearsal in a sunlit barn. — The rehearsal

Rehearsal: a run-through of the ceremony – who walks when, who stands where, who holds the rings. It usually takes place the day before at the ceremony site, is led by the officiant or the planner and takes about an hour. The wedding party practices the processional and the recessional, readers test the microphone and musicians learn their cues. An old shower tradition: a practice bouquet made from the ribbons of the gifts.

A father raises his glass in a toast to the couple at a candlelit rehearsal dinner in an Italian restaurant. — Rehearsal dinner

Rehearsal dinner: a smaller dinner after the rehearsal. Traditionally the groom’s family often hosted it; today families share the roles however they like. Usually the wedding party, close family and their partners are invited, sometimes also guests who traveled far. It is the place for longer toasts, family stories and slideshows – and for the couple to thank the wedding party, often with a small gift.

Welcome party: drinks for guests who traveled in, especially at destination weddings.

Who does what: the wedding party

The coupleBefore: Budget, decisions, invitations, vendorsOn the day: Ceremony and celebration
Maid or matron of honorBefore: Support, often the shower or bacheloretteOn the day: Getting ready, often a toast
Best manBefore: Support, often the bachelor partyOn the day: Often the rings and a toast
Bridesmaids and groomsmenBefore: Rehearsal, outfits, moral supportOn the day: Processional, group photos
Flower girl and ring bearerBefore: Rehearsal (and patience)On the day: Petals and rings
ParentsBefore: Family coordination, sometimes fundingOn the day: Welcoming guests, toasts, dances
Planner or day-of coordinatorBefore: Organizing, the timelineOn the day: Running the day
OfficiantBefore: Preparing the ceremonyOn the day: Marrying the couple, signing the license
DJ or MCBefore: Planning the programOn the day: Announcements, music, transitions
Photographer and videographerBefore: Shot list, scheduleOn the day: Capturing everything

Role	Before	On the day
The couple	Budget, decisions, invitations, vendors	Ceremony and celebration
Maid or matron of honor	Support, often the shower or bachelorette	Getting ready, often a toast
Best man	Support, often the bachelor party	Often the rings and a toast
Bridesmaids and groomsmen	Rehearsal, outfits, moral support	Processional, group photos
Flower girl and ring bearer	Rehearsal (and patience)	Petals and rings
Parents	Family coordination, sometimes funding	Welcoming guests, toasts, dances
Planner or day-of coordinator	Organizing, the timeline	Running the day
Officiant	Preparing the ceremony	Marrying the couple, signing the license
DJ or MC	Planning the program	Announcements, music, transitions
Photographer and videographer	Shot list, schedule	Capturing everything

The maid of honor gives a toast while the couple laughs at the head table in a candlelit mountain lodge. — The maid of honor’s toast

None of these roles depend on gender. There are bridesmen, groomsladies and “honor attendants” – and many couples skip roles they don’t need. The size varies too: some couples have a dozen attendants on each side, others one best friend each or no one at all. Toasts usually come from the maid of honor and the best man, sometimes from parents – three to five minutes each is plenty.

The ceremony

A groom turns around and sees his bride for the first time under live oaks in Charleston, South Carolina. — The first look

The morning is for getting ready: hair, makeup, suits, a playlist and maybe mimosas. Many couples choose a first look – seeing each other privately before the ceremony. It frees up time for photos and calms the nerves. Others wait for the walk down the aisle. The photographer often sets it up in a quiet spot, and one partner turns around on cue.

Processional: a common order is the officiant, then one partner and the groomsmen, then the bridesmaids and maid of honor, the ring bearer and flower girl – and the bride last, often with one or both parents. Religious ceremonies often have their own order.

Two brides hold hands and exchange vows under a wooden arch in the red rocks of Sedona, Arizona. — Exchanging vows

Vows: many couples write their own – some poetic, some with an inside joke. Others use traditional words from their faith or repeat after the officiant line by line. Personal vows usually run one to two minutes, and many couples read them from a small vow book rather than a phone. The ceremony itself is often short – twenty to thirty minutes, longer for a religious service.

Unity rituals: lighting a unity candle together, pouring two colors of sand into one vase, planting a tree or tying hands in a handfasting.
The kiss and the recessional: walking back down the aisle together, to cheers, petals or bubbles.

The reception

11:00 AMExample: afternoon ceremony: Getting ready
2:00 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: First look (optional)
3:30 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: Ceremony
4:00 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: Cocktail hour and photos
5:00 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: Grand entrance
5:15 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: Dinner and toasts
7:00 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: First dance, often followed by parent dances
7:30 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: Cake cutting and party
10:30 PMExample: afternoon ceremony: Grand exit (optional)

Time	Example: afternoon ceremony
11:00 AM	Getting ready
2:00 PM	First look (optional)
3:30 PM	Ceremony
4:00 PM	Cocktail hour and photos
5:00 PM	Grand entrance
5:15 PM	Dinner and toasts
7:00 PM	First dance, often followed by parent dances
7:30 PM	Cake cutting and party
10:30 PM	Grand exit (optional)

Guests mingle with signature cocktails around a laughing couple at a vineyard in Napa Valley at golden hour. — Cocktail hour

Cocktail hour: drinks and bites while the couple takes photos – often with a signature cocktail named after the dog or the hometown. It bridges the time between ceremony and reception, often while the room is being set. Expect passed appetizers, a bar, maybe a cheese display and some live music. Many couples take family photos right after the ceremony so they can join for part of it.

A couple bursts into the ballroom hand in hand while guests cheer, wave napkins and confetti falls. — Grand entrance

Grand entrance: the DJ or MC announces the wedding party and the couple, often with their own song. Pairs dance in, high-five guests or show off a short move, and the couple comes last – to the loudest cheer of the night.
Toasts: short, warm, and at most one embarrassing story. They usually come during or right after dinner, and the couple may end with a short thank-you.

A groom spins his bride on the dance floor of a brick loft under string lights while guests watch and smile. — First dance

A groom dances with his mother at a candlelit reception in Miami while guests watch from their tables. — Mother-son dance

First dance and parent dances: some couples surprise everyone with a choreography that starts as a waltz and ends as a pop medley. Others take a few lessons or simply sway to their song. Then often come the parent dances – traditionally father and daughter, then mother and son; today couples dance with whoever raised them, and some invite all parents onto the floor together. Each dance is usually a shortened song of two to three minutes; nervous dancers ask the DJ to fade out after the first chorus. Then the DJ opens the dance floor for everyone.

Cake cutting: sharing the first slice – sweetly, or with a little frosting on the nose.
Bouquet and garter toss: legend says whoever catches the bouquet marries next. The garter toss is optional, and many couples skip it.

A couple runs hand in hand through a tunnel of guests holding sparklers outside a historic inn at night. — Grand exit with sparklers

Favors and the grand exit: small gifts like honey jars or hot sauce – then a send-off through sparklers, bubbles or petals. The exit may come at the very end of the night or earlier, as a staged “faux exit” for photos while the party goes on. Long-burning sparklers, a lighter for every few guests and a bucket of sand belong in the plan – along with the venue’s rules.

The wedding weekend

Friday: arrivals, rehearsal, a smaller rehearsal dinner, welcome drinks.

A mother fastens the buttons on her daughter's wedding dress in a hotel suite overlooking the San Francisco Bay. — Getting ready

Two grooms with loosened bow ties dance with friends under a disco ball at a late-night after-party in Austin. — After-party

Saturday: getting ready, ceremony, cocktail hour, reception, often an after-party. The morning starts with hair and makeup, often in a hotel suite with the wedding party, the photographer, a light breakfast and someone who keeps an eye on the clock. The ceremony is often in the afternoon; the reception runs into the evening and usually ends around 10 or 11 PM, when many venues close. Whoever still has energy moves on to an after-party at a hotel bar, a lounge or a friend’s house – often with late-night snacks like pizza, tacos or sliders.

The couple hugs guests goodbye at a lakeside farewell brunch, suitcases already packed beside the tables. — Farewell brunch

Sunday: farewell brunch, goodbyes, travel home. The brunch is relaxed: a buffet, coffee and mimosas, often at the hotel or a family home, and guests drop by whenever their flight allows. For the couple it is a last chance to talk to everyone they only hugged briefly the night before.

Not every guest is invited to every event. For destination weddings, hotels, shuttles and local tips matter even more – for many guests, the wedding is a small trip of its own.

Registry, honeymoon and thank-yous

A couple opens a gift at a garden “Jack and Jill” shower, surrounded by laughing family and friends. — Jack and Jill shower

A registry is the couple’s gift list: guests pick something and see what’s already taken. Next to towels and cookware you’ll often find experiences and funds – for the honeymoon, a home or a project. The honeymoon may start right after the wedding or months later; some couples take a short “minimoon” first. Many couples set up the registry before the shower, since guests often shop from it then.

Afterwards, the story begins: first photos in the first days, guest photos and videos in the first weeks, the professional gallery within weeks or months, then an album. Thank-you cards matter in many families – best with one line that shows the gift really landed.

Regional flavors

The SouthCustoms you might see: A cake pull (charms on ribbons tucked into the cake, popular in New Orleans), a groom’s cake shaped like his hobby or team
New OrleansCustoms you might see: A second line: the couple leads a brass band through the streets with decorated umbrellas, guests follow waving handkerchiefs (it needs a city parade permit)
New EnglandCustoms you might see: Fall foliage, barns and lighthouses – and often lobster or a clambake at the rehearsal dinner
Pittsburgh and Youngstown, OhioCustoms you might see: The cookie table: family and friends bake for weeks, and a long table of cookies sits next to the cake
The MidwestCustoms you might see: A dollar dance in many families, and in places like Wisconsin a grand march of the wedding party
TexasCustoms you might see: Boots under the dress, barbecue or Tex-Mex, mariachi at cocktail hour
California and the WestCustoms you might see: Vineyards, beaches, redwoods, desert – and national park elopements (often with a park permit)
HawaiiCustoms you might see: A lei exchange – often an open maile lei for the groom and fragrant flowers like pīkake for the bride

Region	Customs you might see
The South	A cake pull (charms on ribbons tucked into the cake, popular in New Orleans), a groom’s cake shaped like his hobby or team
New Orleans	A second line: the couple leads a brass band through the streets with decorated umbrellas, guests follow waving handkerchiefs (it needs a city parade permit)
New England	Fall foliage, barns and lighthouses – and often lobster or a clambake at the rehearsal dinner
Pittsburgh and Youngstown, Ohio	The cookie table: family and friends bake for weeks, and a long table of cookies sits next to the cake
The Midwest	A dollar dance in many families, and in places like Wisconsin a grand march of the wedding party
Texas	Boots under the dress, barbecue or Tex-Mex, mariachi at cocktail hour
California and the West	Vineyards, beaches, redwoods, desert – and national park elopements (often with a park permit)
Hawaii	A lei exchange – often an open maile lei for the groom and fragrant flowers like pīkake for the bride

A laughing couple cuts a three-tier buttercream cake with fresh roses in a barn lit by string lights. — Cutting the cake

And then there are destination weddings (Mexico, the Caribbean, Europe), courthouse weddings with a great dinner afterwards, and micro weddings and elopements with a handful of guests – or just the couple and a photographer. Wherever you marry, the classics travel along – the first dance, the toasts and the cake cutting – just with local food, local music and the local weather in mind.

Many heritages, one wedding

Many American couples bring two or more heritages to the table – and celebrate both. The customs below show up often, but none describes every couple of a background, and the groups overlap.

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Christian and CatholicA church ceremony, sometimes a Mass, readings, exchange of rings; the reception often at another venue
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Mexican-AmericanLazo (a cord around both shoulders), arras (13 coins), padrinos, a money dance; often bilingual
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Jewish-AmericanKetubah, chuppah, the seven blessings, breaking the glass, the hora with the couple lifted on chairs
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Indian-AmericanSeveral events: mehndi, sangeet, baraat, ceremony and reception
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African-AmericanJumping the broom – a possible tradition, not a universal one
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Chinese-AmericanDoor games, a tea ceremony for the elders, red envelopes – often after a Western ceremony
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Korean-AmericanPyebaek: elders toss dates and chestnuts for the couple to catch in a cloth
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Filipino-AmericanA veil and cord over both shoulders, arras, many sponsors, a money dance
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Secular and LGBTQ+Roles and rituals designed freely
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Secular and LGBTQ+Roles and rituals designed freely

Dress codes, decoded

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White tieTailcoats and floor-length gowns – rare
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Black tieTuxedos, floor-length or very elegant dresses
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Black tie optional / formalA tux or dark suit, elegant evening wear
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CocktailA suit with or without a tie, knee- to midi-length dresses
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Semi-formalLike cocktail, a little more relaxed depending on the time of day
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Casual / gardenSundresses, linen pants, a shirt without a tie
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BeachLight fabrics, flat shoes, no jacket needed

A few unwritten rules: in many families white stays reserved for the bride. Stilettos sink into lawns, and evenings by the water get chilly. Each event can have its own dress code – relaxed at the welcome dinner, dressed up on Saturday.

How JustMarried helps

We built JustMarried for exactly this kind of wedding – many events, many guests, many traditions:

A couple hands out welcome bags and greets arriving friends at a beach bar in Florida at sunset. — Welcome party

A checklist with due dates counted back from your wedding day – the marriage license included – and a budget with your own vendor list.
Your wedding weekend: shower, rehearsal dinner, welcome party, after-party, farewell brunch or events you name yourself. Each guest sees only the events their household is invited to.
RSVPs per person and event, with plus-ones, kids and friendly reminders for anyone who hasn’t answered.
A day-of timeline with your own moments, a page for each toast giver and a run-of-show page for vendors.
A dress code per event, with tips like “avoid white” and your wedding colors.
English and Spanish guest pages and emails, in each guest’s own language.
Seating with “together” and “apart” rules, plus table cards, escort cards, a seating mirror and “Find your seat.”
Prints in your invitation design – programs, welcome signs, menus and more (see the templates) – and a wedding website with your story, schedule, venues, travel, FAQ and RSVP.
A registry with shop links and funds, a forecast a week before the day, guest photos, a photo wall and thank-you cards per household.

Questions & answers

When should you start planning an American wedding?: Many couples start 12–18 months ahead with the budget, a first guest list, the date and the venue. Vendors, the wedding party, the website and the registry often follow 9–12 months before – but plenty of couples plan a beautiful wedding in a few months.
When do save the dates and invitations go out?: Save the dates often go out 6–9 months ahead so guests can book travel; the invitations follow about 3–6 months before, with an RSVP deadline a few weeks before the wedding.
What is a rehearsal dinner?: A dinner the night before the wedding, right after the ceremony rehearsal. The wedding party, close family and often out-of-town guests come; toasts and stories are common.
What do the maid of honor and the best man do?: They support the couple before the wedding – often with the shower or the bachelor and bachelorette parties – and on the day; the best man often holds the rings, and both often give a toast.
What is a bridal or wedding shower?: A party before the wedding with food, games and gifts. More and more often everyone is invited, as a couples shower or “Jack and Jill.”
What is a wedding registry?: The couple’s gift list: guests pick something and see what’s already taken. Next to household items you’ll often find experiences and funds – for the honeymoon, a home or a project.
What do dress codes like black tie or cocktail mean?: Black tie means tuxedos and floor-length or very elegant dresses; black tie optional or formal allows a dark suit; cocktail means a suit with or without a tie and knee- to midi-length dresses; casual or garden means sundresses, linen pants and a shirt without a tie. One concrete hint on the invitation helps guests most.

Sources

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Weddings in the USA

At a glance